"Back down on the plains, if you kicked people they kicked back. Up here, when you kicked people they moved away and just waited patiently for your leg to fall off. How could a king go down in history ruling a people like that? You couldn’t oppress them any more than you could oppress a mattress."
Terry Pratchett (Wyrd Sisters)

(Source: scitchet)



"The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it."
Terry Pratchett (via kushandwizdom)
After one Discworld book: That was fun, but there are too many. I'll never get into it.
After two Discworld books: Holy crap, there's no way they can ALL be this good.
After three Discworld books: It's a good thing there are a lot of these books.
After seven Discworld books: Of course . . . I will eventually run out of Discworld books. This isn't Doctor Who and therefore, regrettably, does not go on forever.
After eight Discworld books: There's no saving me, I suppose.
After nine or ten . . . maybe thirteen: Oh, what the hell.


"It was miraculous, the dwarf bread. No one ever went hungry when they had some dwarf bread to avoid. You only had to look at it for a moment, and instantly you could think of dozens of things you’d rather eat. Your boots, for example. Mountains. Raw sheep. Your own foot."
Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad (via proudtortoise)


"Morituri Nolumus Mori *"

We who are about to die don’t want to 

Terry Pratchett (The Last Hero)

(Source: persephinae)



"If you trust in yourself…and believe in your dreams…and follow your star… you’ll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren’t so lazy."
Terry Pratchett “The Wee Free Men” (via lesetagebuch)


"

‘So,’ muttered the Prince, ‘the soldier boy isn’t a soldier boy. That is your good luck!’

Polly kept her fixed grin. ‘Do you often menace frightened women?’ she said.

‘Oh, that was nothing! You are only a peasant girl, after all! What do you know of life? And you showed spirit!’

[…]
‘That was for peace and goodwill between nations,’ said Polly, smiling sweetly and letting go of the Prince’s hand. She took a step back. ‘And this, your highness, is for me …’

Actually, she didn’t kick. Life was a process of finding out how far you could go, and you could probably go too far in finding out how far you could go. But a mere twitch of a leg was enough, just to see the idiot collapse in the ridiculous, knock kneed, protective crouch.

She marched away, singing inside. This was not a fairy-tale castle and there was no such thing as a fairy-tale ending, but sometimes you could threaten to kick the handsome prince in the ham-and-eggs.

"
SO LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE POLLY FUCKING PERKS (via pasiphile)


"

A thumb pressed against two fingers, and the lean figure of Dr. Cruces, head tutor, looming over the startled boys.

“We do not murder,” he said. It was a soft voice; the doctor never raised his voice, but he had a way of giving it the pitch and spin that could make it be heard through a hurricane.

“We do not execute. We do not massacre. We never, you may be very certain, we never torture. We have no truck with crimes of passion or hatred or pointless gain. We do not do it for a delight in inhumation, or to feed some secret inner need, or for petty advantage, or for some cause or belief; I tell you, gentlemen, that all these reasons are in the highest degree suspect. Look into the face of a man who will kill you for a belief and your nostrils will snuff up the scent of abomination. Hear a speech declaring a holy war and, I assure you, your ears should catch the clink of evil’s scales and the dragging of its monstrous tail over the purity of the language.

“No, we do it for the money.

And, because we above all must know the value of a human life, we do it for a great deal of money.

There can be few cleaner motives, so shorn of all pretense.

Nil mortifi, sine lucre. Remember. No killing without payment.”

He paused for a moment.

“And always give a receipt,” he added.

"
Terry Pratchett, Pyramids (via nobodysuspectsthebutterfly)

maliciousmelons:

when you are in a hurry and someone wont let the conversation end

image

(Source: maliciousmelons)